Marvel Meets Hogwarts
by OccasionalAvenger
Summary: A Sorting of many, many Marvel comics characters. Clever as fuck and filled with a bunch of references for comics and movie fans alike. Do you agree with my Sortings? Let me know!


**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO EITHER JK ROWLING OR MARVEL COMICS. ENJOY!**

It was the most crowded Sorting anyone could remember—and many of those in attendance could remember back quite some time. Exactly 245 eleven year-olds were shivering against the back wall of the Great Hall. All eyes were on them.

Those eyes shifted, though, as a tall, bald wizard stood up at the front of the room. "Hello, my young witches and wizards," he began in a deep, kindly voice. "My name is Professor Xavier. You can't understand the joy it brings to see your fresh faces here before me. It is important that we wizards stick together—we are an often misunderstood bunch, but you know what they say about phoenixes of a feather,"—polite chuckles sounded throughout the Hall—"I have assembled the most capable staff in the Wizarding world to forward your education. Hogwarts is a great school, but it wouldn't be so without its students. I look forward to a great year with you all. That said—Professor Radd? It's time for the Sorting."

Professor Radd, whose skin was pure, metallic silver (a result of a poor deal with a cauldron maker when he was a young man), stepped forward, holding the Sorting Hat. The battered old Hat opened its mouth at the brim and began to sing its annual song. This year, the Hat sang about the heroic qualities of each House—the loyalty of Slytherin, the kindness of Hufflepuff, the nobility of Gryffindor, the idealism of Ravenclaw. It was a change from the Hat's usual song of Hogwarts' history and the glory of the Houses, but the audience seemed to approve. When the Hat snapped its brim shut, the crowd of students and teachers broke into cheers.

Without preamble, Radd stepped behind a small stool at the front of the Hall and said, "Anna Marie."

The girl stepped forward and sat on the stool, allowing Professor Radd to place the Hat on her head. A white streak in her hair contrasted sharply with the dark fabric of the Hat. The room was silent for a moment, the air taught with anticipation. Then the Hat shouted, "HUFFLEPUFF!"

The room broke into cheers and Anna Marie smiled. She handed the Hat to Professor Radd and slipped off the stool. The Hufflepuff table cheered as she sat down.

"I'm Bobby Drake," said a kind-faced boy holding out his hand to Anna Marie. "I'm one of the prefects here."

"Barton, Clinton," called Professor Radd, before she could answer. "Clinton Barton?"

"CLINT!" shouted a boy at the Gryffindor table. The first year at which he was shouting looked around, startled when he noticed everyone's eyes on him. After a moment he trotted up to the stool—half tripping as he did so—and put the Sorting Hat of his head.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Clint grinned and ran over to join his brother at the Gryffindor table.

"Sorry, Barn!" he shouted over the whooping from his new peers. "I couldn't hear."

A scrawny, curly-headed boy ("Banner, Bruce.") was Sorted next, almost instantly put into Ravenclaw. A tall boy with icy blue eyes shook his hand seriously as he sat down. "Stephen Strange. Pleased to meet you."

And so the Sorting went on. Cage, Luke and Danvers, Carol were both Sorted into Gryffindor, greeted by the gruff prefect, Logan Howlett. Morales, Miles and Kamala Khan went to Hufflepuff, and Murdock, Matthew was quickly put into Slytherin, where he was introduced to the new Head of House, Professor von Doom. Peter Parker followed Miles Morales into Hufflepuff House, along with Henry Pym.

The students were growing restless. Professor Radd was only on the R's, and showed no sign of speeding up the pace—he was known for being endlessly patient, even if his students weren't so. There was a mere smattering of applause as Rand, Daniel grinningly joined the Hufflepuff table.

Reed Richards, a boy so tall and thin he appeared to have been stretched ( **Author's note:** I'm hilarious. And subtle. So subtle.), had barely put the Hat on his head when it shouted, "RAVENCLAW!"

Ravenclaw, which hadn't had as many new students as usual, erupted into cheers with more enthusiasm than most of the bored wizards and witches felt was necessary.

"Rogers, Steven," read professer Radd.

A small, blond boy walked slowly up to the stool, limping a bit as he did so. As he sat down, he glanced over at the Slytherin table, where his friend Bucky Barnes, a second-year, gave him an encouraging nod. Steve put the Hat on his head and waited.

" _Quite a bit of courage, I see_ ," the Hat muttered in Steve's ear. " _And fire too—you're a stubborn one. A good heart, though. A great one, maybe. I don't often feel souls this pure. No Slytherin for you, though you needn't worry about your friend. Loyalty, that's one's got."_

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Steve smiled, he had been hoping for Hufflepuff. And the Hat's words about Bucky reassured him; Houses didn't determine friendships. He moved to take it off, but was stopped by another whisper in his ear.

" _Visit the Potions dungeon at the nearest opportunity. Professor Erskine is a brilliant man."_

Steve waited a moment, but the Hat didn't speak again. Puzzled, he placed it on the stool and went to the Hufflepuff table, squeezing in between Peter Parker and Kamala Khan.

Romanova, Natalia was called next, and there was an uneasy muttering in the crowd as she took her place on the stool. It was rumored that she had been a spy for the Death Eaters during the last war. Afterwards, she had claimed to be under the Imperius curse by well-known Death Eater Chelintsov. No one wanted to send a seven year-old girl to Azkaban, and Chelintsov was notorious for using the Imperius curse. Natalia was set free and raised by a program in the Ministry of Magic. She was young, but still untrusted by many.

To no one's surprise, she was Sorted into Slytherin. Bucky Barnes leaned across the table to talk to her.

"Don't worry about 'em," he said waving his hand towards the Gryffindors, several of whom were booing. "They can boo us as we win the House Cup this year."

"If we even have a chance," said Jessica Drew. "Gryffindor's the best there is."

Natalia eyed the rowdy, red and gold table coolly. "So am I."

There was only one hat-stall: Stark, Anthony. The Sorting Hat deliberated for nearly ten minutes while the sea of students—and many teachers—shifted restlessly.

"Is no one else worried that they might starve to death?" groaned Peter Parker. "I haven't eaten since the Hogwarts Express, like, three hours ago."

"GRYFFINDOR!" roared the Hat, eliciting cheers from all around the Hall. Tony Stark, with a vaguely disappointed glance towards the Slytherin table, joined the Gryffindors, holding up his hands and bowing in response to their whoops; Tony was the son of well-known Ministry official, Howard Stark.

The rest of the Sorting went quickly, much to the relief of everyone present. Headmaster Xavier congratulated the first-years on their placement, and declared the beginning of the feast.

"The first feast never fails to be my favorite," he said contentedly to Professor McCoy, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher. They watched peacefully as Wade Wilson of Slythern stole chimichangas off Sam Wilson of Hufflepuff's plate. Peter Parker was staring longingly at a blond Ravenclaw third-year. Danny Rand and Luke Cage had turned away from their respective tables and were talking to each other across the isle.

Yes, thought Xavier. All was well at Hogwarts.

This was so fun to write! There are a ton of little references in here, but one is particularly obscure, so I'll point it out. At the beginning I wrote that there were 245 wizards waiting to be Sorted—Earth 245 is full of vampires (I think, anyway. It was off the top of my head, so I might be wrong). They were the closest things to fantasy creatures in Marvel I could think of. Have fun finding all the other Easter eggs! Let me know if there're any you have questions about. Also—do you agree with my Sortings? Feedback is appreciated. Please tell me if it's trash.


End file.
